I don't know how many times I've re-written this blog post. Perhaps because I was trying in the beginning to be poetic, perhaps I was trying to make it light and fun, or maybe I was not being truthful about what I really want to say. Within the past few weeks, I've been struggling about some things with this very special person in my life. There were questions but no answers. I was confused and felt really alone. I needed perspective. I needed prayer. I needed solace.
And I've also been craving for Fall. I miss the beautiful, brightly colored, golden leaves of autumn...those sugar maple leaves with their brilliant, amber glow scattered in every street, every corner of Genthorn Avenue where I used to live back in Canada. Somehow, I have been missing and craving for all things Fall and the paradoxical feelings it bring: melancholy and warmth. While I have no nearby access to any magnificent fall foliage, I do know where I can go to just get a hint, a feeling of it.
I drove up to Calaveras Hills, on to Felter Road and turned left into the entrance of Big Dog Vineyards. There were speckles of red, gold and orange leaves throughout the landscape and that was enough for me. It was also harvest season. The grapes were being harvested by workers, friends and neighbors amidst the beautiful Indian summer sun and I was happy to be there. I knew I've come to the right place for a bit of solace, peace, prayer , company, diversion, and a bit of fall.
I kept my conversations at a minimum while walking through the vineyard aisles and spent most of my time photographing the leaves and observing the little creature residents. I was hoping they would whisper their nuggets of wisdom to me but only one cared to look up: guess which one from the photos below. I wonder if it was my special person reincarnated into a bee at that moment.
I left the vineyard right after lunch time and on a full stomach too but I had no answers. But perhaps, there was a lesson imparted: just like the grapes that need to go through seasons before it ripens and ready for harvest, so must all other good and beautiful things need time to come to fruition.
Some things are revealed in due time.
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“Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.” ― George Eliot
“I love like a leaf in the wind. Please, hold your applause until the end of the performance (the last day of fall).” ― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
My heart is drumming in my chest so hard it aches, but it’s the good kind of ache, like the feeling you get on the first real day of autumn, when the air is crisp and the leaves are all flaring at the edges and the wind smells just vaguely of smoke – like the end and the beginning of something all at once. ― Lauren Oliver, Delirium